Don’t Jump

It’s been a hard year.
Between work, relationships, and my health, I’m exhausted.

Back in January, I made my first trip of the year to Twin Falls for work.IMG_0811
And all I wanted to do was jump off that wretched Perrine Bridge, standing 486 feet over the Snake River.
Second trip, I wanted to jump.
And the next.
And the next.

I was in a dark place and was tired of fighting.
I was believing the lies that told me I would be better off dead.
That my friends and family wouldn’t miss me.
They’d be better off without me.

But, by the Grace of God, I didn’t jump.
I never even stopped at the bridge.

A week ago I had to make another trip to Twin, but this time to switch cars with my parents. As I was heading back to Boise, I decided to stop at the bridge.
This time it was different.
I said a little prayer as I walked up to look down into the canyon.
I tried not to cry as I watched a few BASE jumpers, imagining them as myself, but without the parachute.
I was thankful.

I AM thankful.

God has been with me this year, even when I struggled to see Him.
I stood at the bridge in awe of His creation, not just the creation of the canyon, river, waterfalls, and surroundings, but also of His creation of me.

Back in April, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I started to make the change to a better diet.
More water, less coffee.
More fruits and veggies, less McDonalds.
Donuts and waffles are still major food groups. 😉

My apartment, that I moved into in November, is finally coming together.
The lack of cleaning and unpacking is brought to you by depression. 😀

A year and a half ago, I wanted to join the wonderful world of essential oils. Life happened and I put it aside. About two weeks ago, I finally made that jump. (a MUCH better kind of jump)
Y’ALL. My life has been forever changed. I’m making the switch to more natural and healthier cleaning and beauty products, and getting rid of the nasty chemicals that are currently in my apartment.

I’m doing all of this because I know it helps.
I’ve never wanted to go on medication for my depression or anxiety because I know I can battle it with the proper diet, exercise, prayer life etc. (Totally not against medication! I just don’t think it’s right for me.)

I watched “The Shack” for the first time this week. Papa(God) says, “When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of Me?”

This was such a beautiful reminder.

I was so focused on everything that was going wrong in my life, that I lost sight of what really matters. Even when I feel so alone in this big world, I know that I have a God that loves me, and will always love me, no matter how broken I am.

This is your reminder that you, too, are loved by Him. 🙂

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