It’s strange though, I can talk to you about my past depression, anger, abuse, shame, all day long. Yet when I’m smack dab in the middle of the darkness, I hide.
I keep to myself and keep myself distracted from all the thoughts that run though my mind. Thoughts telling me that no one cares, I’m worthless, and other lies.
I know they’re lies.
But there are times when I let them win.
Times like right now.
As I type this.
Very rarely do I speak out in the moment.
Which is why I decided write this.
But I also get back up.
For the most part, I know what triggers me.
Work, relationships, the weather.
SAD is real, y’all.
This time, I’m doing my best to fight.
Because I know what it’s like to be in the light.
When I’m in my car, I still listen to the radio. Pretty old school, right? 😉 Most of the time it’s on one of the Christian stations. When I find myself in this place, I’ll turn it to a different genre. That’s part of my hiding from God. 😉 He laughs at that; you can too.
This past week I found myself in confession. This is such a beautiful part of being Catholic. When I got back in my car, “Unconditionally” by Katy Perry was on. So much for hiding from God. 😉
I lost it.
In that moment, it was God speaking to me.
“Let go and just be free.”
“Open up your heart and just let it begin.”
“I will love you unconditionally.”
It doesn’t matter what I’ve done.
It doesn’t matter how broken I am.
Even when I’m screaming at Him.
Angry at Him.
He still loves me.
Even on my bad days.
Here’s a reminder that He loves you unconditionally.
You are loved.